I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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