he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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