4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
