i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
