I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
