Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
