I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
