i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
