we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
