I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
