So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
