Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
