I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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