Porn is love you can see.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if only i could text you this smell
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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