So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
