who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
