she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
