Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Never joke about your clitoris.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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