Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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