i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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