Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
