he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
