Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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