***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
