Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
