those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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