My balls are so social today.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
