it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
