I'm laying in your front yard are you home
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
