Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
