Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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