you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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