Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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