There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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