I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
