Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
