After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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