I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
