I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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