I wannas sexs uuuuu
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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