Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
