I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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