Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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