My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
