i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Life is so much better after having sex.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
