in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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