i jhust puked up my retainher.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Someone shattered a urinal.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
