True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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