Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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