i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
